


If I've been feeling heavy

by yofrere



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 11:52:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6115588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yofrere/pseuds/yofrere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall Horan is a many-faceted jewel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. so I turned to run

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little thing I started for Niall. Because he needs more love! Probably with a lot of narry in there too.
> 
> Each chapter can be read as a stand alone.
> 
> Tumblr user drownedindeniall has cursed me with her The Replacements inspired song fic "Unsatisfied" as this is pretty much the lens through which I view the once happy, safe ship that is narry. Please check it out and be aware that it is simply heartbreaking. http://drownedindeniall.tumblr.com/post/105709382662/unsatisfied-okay-dudes-so-i-got-a-request-from

Niall watches from across the train car, watches everything fall away at such a rapid rate that his heart rate quickens. Or maybe it's that he's leaving anything that ever mattered to him because it all stopped mattering so long ago. Or maybe it's the weird vending machine coffee he down as he dashed to the platform minutes before departure.

Whatever it is, he swallows it down and turns away from the window. Tapping a steady beat against his arm rest only gives him a shallow cough and a distanced glare so he abandons it pretty quickly. Instead he tries to focus on something else, like the rhythmic clacking of the train as it bustles along the track. Soon enough, his eyes slip shut and he rests his head against the covered window. He feels something tingle up from the base of his neck to the crown of his head and he smiles. By the time the conductor walks by Niall has fallen asleep, ticket held loosely in hand.


	2. standing trial for your sins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback.

It's a long while before Harry answers his texts. He only replies because he can't take seeing one more 'I love you' tiled under Niall's name with every other endearment and heartfelt confession.

Their first phone call is mainly quiet. Neither of them knows what to say at first. Niall is bursting, comets colliding inside his brain, in his chest because _Harry picked up the phone_. Harry just doesn't know what to do. He wants to grow past it, but he's not sure. The strong, sturdy soil of his love was sapped of moisture and sucked of life. What is he supposed to say to the little bud that he uprooted?

"How could ya?" Niall speaks first, spontaneously. He regrets it instantly because it sounded so whiny and _needy_. But it's too late. He can't take it back. He's said everything he can in those three words, packs all his hurt and hope and love into each single syllable. He can't take it back.

And Harry feels it, he feels the warmth. Albeit not a cozy hearth, it is still that tenderness, that sunshine that Niall seems to radiate always. And just like always it makes Harry want to retreat, but for whatever reason he doesn't let himself.

"If... If it makes you feel less sad, we'll start talking again." Niall breathes in abruptly. He knows it's a concession but it's something. "...you can tell me how vile I already know that I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot by Brand New and this gif: http://theroadverytravelled.tumblr.com/post/105951416951/adoresnialler-people-always-say-do-you-not


	3. come around and knock me down again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another flashback.

 Harry had long since lost, abandoning the game all together to find something to eat. Once Zayn and Louis start arguing over fouls and timeouts, Niall meanders into the kitchen. "Still nothing?"

Harry shakes his head, probably stuck on a thought. Niall sits at the little dining table and shrugs, "Well I haven't got much." Harry nods. Niall blinks a few times then leans forward and rests his chin on folds arms. He's familiar with this, the not talking. It makes him uncomfortable some times but Zayn does it a lot and Harry just caught the bug. He learns to deal.

Harry's just staring at him. It's late and Niall is sleepy but the boys are still going at it on FIFA in the living room and he's playing winner.

"Don't look at me like that." He says it after what seems like ages. He's just sitting there, not doing or saying anything to warrant attention let alone Harry leaning against the counter biting at his nail with the other arm cross over him, hair falling to one side and shadowing his face.

He can see the smile playing on the ruby lips. He hates those lips. He'd thought about those lips when he laid alone in bed. He hadn't done that in a while though. Not since Harry had been staying. They had been only thoughts before, far away ideas. Now they're mocking him, moving over his teeth and curling around his words. "But I like looking at you," is Harry's reply. It's so simple, nonchalant. It's all he gets. It makes Niall so angry. It's almost a challenge.

"Well. Don't." He's upset. He sits up, stands. Harry's face reverts back to stoic contemplation. Niall makes for the living room. He doesn't know why he expects to be stopped. Maybe he doesn't expect it, maybe it's just that stupid, hopeful voice in his head. Harry doesn't move. Later, when he thinks Harry is asleep, Niall slips into the bed they share. Just when he's skipping, a voice pierces his tranquility. "I can't stare at you in the dark."

_You only see me in the dark_. He'll wonder later if he had said it out loud because Harry doesn't say anything after. Niall just turns on his side, curling away from him. When he wakes up, Harry's arm is holding his waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Trouble by Ray Lamontagne


	4. diamond girl, I wanna wrap you around the world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The diamond girl au. Or the one where Niall = space.

Niall and Harry watch in silence as the place where Niall's hand used to be becomes a dark blackness full of stars.

"I- I don't understand," Harry says through tears, unable to look away from the sight. 

Niall looks up at him though, pulls his hand back. "It's time," he says.

The young man in front of him seems to have transformed back into the small boy he'd met so many years ago. His shoulders scrunch and his arms wrap around his middle awkwardly like he's not sure that he can hold himself up. 

"Like, right now?" Niall can't help but grin

"I've got a few more minutes." And it feels like it's all they've ever had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Ballad of Big Poppa and Diamond Girl by Cobra Starship


	5. I'll be your biggie, you'll be my lil' kim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More of the diamond girl au.

Duvets and throw pillows are spread out on Harry's roof, candles lit all around and music playing softly from the record player he'd hauled up 6 flights of stairs. A few empty Gushers wrappers are sprinkled over the area along with some Arizona cans and a substantial amount of glitter.

Harry lays dead center atop his cloud of bedding and consumables. He's got one tucked under the other and his arms and hands and fingers stretch upward to the sky. "See?"

And he laughs as he says it, because tears are threatening and his throat is tight. "Now we're matching!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insp: http://pittboy.tumblr.com/post/139922488734


	6. look at shape I'm in, talking to the walls again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really feeling this diamond girl au tonight.

Harry's legs cross behind him and his elbows are tucked under him as he paints his nails. "Okay. I'm going to throw something out there and, like, don't judge me okay?"

He doesn't wait for a response that he'll never get. Just plows ahead. "What about- how does a space bakery sound?"

The top coat is sitting at the edge of the bed, worlds away from Harry's reach, and he huffs when he realizes this. "I mean, not like a bakery in space of course. If I could manage that- well, you know where I'd be."

_Thud_. "Fuck." Harry had tried, and failed, to shuffle along the bed without disturbing his delicate layout. The desired polish was knocked onto the ground and the bowl of popcorn tipped on its side. Defeated, he dismounts his large bed and goes about righting his things.

"Honestly Niall," he begins again. "I think it's a banger idea. People would eat it up. Everyone loves space and stars and galaxy print. I mean, everyone loved _you_ so of course it makes complete sense."

The moon shines down brightly through Harry's open window. He takes a few moments to look up and stare at the starless sky before stuffing a handful of spilled popcorn in his mouth. "And you know, I used to be a baker."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talking to the Walls by Finger Eleven

**Author's Note:**

> The work title is from Yours by Ella Henderson. The first chapter title is from Trouble by Coldplay.


End file.
